[Challenge] Sprite vs Lunch – Day 1 – £3.20

“Hester La Vista, bonus” That was the outstanding, albeit tenuous pun that The Sun blasted across their front page this morning on the news that Hester was to forego his £963,000 bonus.  But was he right to do so?  Whether he deserved it or not, if he likes Sprite and going to The O2 he shouldn’t have given it up, because he’ll need it.

That’s because, and here comes my Sun-esque tenuous link, a 330ml can of Sprite at the O2 will set you back, wait for it, £3.20.  Even if you had a £963,000 (considerably less after tax and NI, but probably not student loan) bonus in the bank you’d question how thirsty you were before committing to this purchase.

Unfortunately for me, I had already committed to the purchase before I discovered that I was to be fleeced.  It was during the break of Strictly come dancing with wolves on ice, (made up the last bit but it would have made it better), when this occurred.   For anybody thinking that I am a big fan of the quick step, Harry Judd or some old lady who I can’t remember, the tickets were complementary but I must admit that I appreciated the entertainment.

I did not enjoy though paying £3.20 for a can of Sprite.  So that got me thinking.  In an age of 4-5% inflation and 7% increases in rail fares, is £3.20 as outrageous a price as I initially thought?  The only way to test this is to spend a week keeping my lunch budget to just £3.20, can I get a better deal than a can of Sprite.

Lunch vs Sprite – Day 1

We’re off to Waitrose, or Boots as it was when I went in.  £2.40 for a Chicken, smoked ham and mustard sandwich and 80p for a few grapes in a bag, which I am assured are healthy.  Full marks for using my full allocated budget but slightly less than full marks for the categories of taste and size.  In full Strictly style it would have received 10, 5, 3 respectively.

So an overall mark of 18 for today which, whilst far from unbeatable, still beats a can of Sprite which I’ve rated 0 for price, 7 for taste and 3 for size.

Tags: Sandwich, Sprite

McAll in it together – £5.09

McDonalds.  McDo.  Maccy Ds.  The Golden Arches.

The votes are in and I had a feeling that this would be the outcome.  My initial thought that my readers would do this to me was confirmed when my housemate created a status encouraging the voting public to send me off to a place where all the food starts with Mc.

Well I’ve now Mcfinished and I’m back at my desk albeit after having done some exercise.  My exercise today has taken the form of a long walk, a walk that involved leaving the safety of The Wharf.  McDonalds is a bit of a trek, it’s the equivalent of 15 Olympic swimming pools away.  It’s a walk where the scenery changes with almost every step.  After 5 minutes you will have past the final office block and will actually be able to see to the left and right of you, something I’ve never experienced this far East.  The sight though is not great.  The fish market on the left had people walking out of it who looked like they were cleaning up a murder and straight on a round about.  Look just to the right of the roundabout though and there it is.  The Golden Arches towering over a dual-carriageway complete with a drive-thru.  The building looks like it was built together out of a pack with green and orange seating throughout. Retro.

Entering though I have a shock.  It seems that I’m not the only person there, even more surprisingly I’m not the only person in a suit.  My first thought was that they’ve just finished in court but looking more closely the suit is worn in parts.  Either these guys work in the Wharf, or are in court a lot.  I had to go with the former, they didn’t look scary enough to be criminals.  So after a battle with the woman at the till, who I could barely hear over the incessant beeping of various machines which were trying to inform her that the McChips were ready, I took my seat.  I went with a green chair.

The McLegend, large.  Their marketing team must spend millions coming up with these names.  Coupled with chips (large) and a drink (too large) it completes a meal-deal. I ate it all but 600 ml of Sprite is too much for anyone, I can’t believe that anyone has ever finished it.  And then looking round, I realised what was happening.  Every conceivable individual demographic was being represented.  From teenage kids and single mothers to Rolex wearing bankers via people who I’m pretty sure were actually criminals (gave them a wide berth).  This is what David Cameron was talking about, ‘all in it together’ and ‘Big Society’.  What he failed to add was that he was talking about McDonalds.  Should rename it McBig Society.

Gonna end this post quickly before the sugar crash kicks in.

Leon-ly go once – £4.50

 I like to think that I’m an on the ball kind of guy with a relatively good sense of humour.  Today though I’m questioning what I think of myself because the joke that Leon have just served up has gone right over my head.  When ordering the Grilled Chicken wrap your taste buds wake up in the knowledge that a tasty piece of chicken garnished with complementary spices will be placed on your tongue in the very near future.  As the bag was passed to me my taste buds were very much alive and the smile across my face was showing this to the shop.

But then I picked up the bag, an oversized, faceless brown bag with no logo it reminded me of how you would have packed your groceries if shopping in the US in the 1950s.  And then I put it back on the counter.  The bag was so light I had to open it to check that they had actually put my item in; the wrap was so small I had to move a napkin just to make sure it was there.  Taste buds went back to sleep.

In order to portray my disappointment I have compared the size of my lunch to the size of my trusty Niceday highlighter.  Barely an inch longer either end this lunch serves totals no more than 4 mouthfuls.  That works out at £1.125p per bite.  I definitely didn’t like the punchline of the joke that Leon had played on me.

So what about this chipolata of a wrap, if I can’t rely on the size can I rely on the flavour?  No.  I had to delay the writing of this post because I had to remove, with soap, the grease and oil that had flowed down the foil and on to my hands with each of the 4 mouthfuls I had taken.  I had to create an emergency napkin plate on my desk to catch that which then dripped off my hands.  This situation only got worse with each mouthful until it peaked as I reached the end-zone, the final inhalation of my petite wrap.  Wrapped in foil I had to carefully navigate my way around this cylindrical disaster searching for the starting point like trying to find the end of the sellotape.  Hidden deep inside a crevice I found it.  A sharp yank and it was free, along with a torrent of grease, juice and grim things.  Table napkin soaked.

Wrap gone, hands clean and still hungry I’m looking for anything to make me think that this was a good idea.  Delving in to my pockets to find my change I think I may have found it.  The reward for my purchase was a 50p coin in change which celebrates 100 years of Girlguiding.  It’s shiny and I haven’t seen one before which makes me think somebody else might like it.  So now, after going to the vending machine for emergency crisps, I’ll be heading to eBay to see if it might be worth something.  My initial estimate is around fifty pence (or less than half a mouthful), but you can always get people on the postage and packing.

UPDATE:  It seems I underestimated its value: http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2010-50p-50-pence-100-YEARS-GIRL-GUIDING-/170769524659?pt=UK_Coins_BritishDecimal_RL&hash=item27c2a827b3

Tomorrow – Voting results

Lot 1

Tags: highlighter, Small

Do ya nae ken ’bout haggis? – £4.00

Today is Robert Burns day.  For those that don’t know, Robert Burns was a Scottish poet who was so good that no-one has ever been able to read or understand any of his works.

Traditionally on a Burns night dinner everybody in the room stands as the haggis is paraded in to the room.  The bagpipes erupt to shatter the silence and an elderly gentleman, normally with an accent so strong that it seems fake, rises from his seat to recite a poem from the famous Robbie Burns.  After the poem a Whisky is toasted and the haggis enjoyed by all.

But now isn’t dinner, it’s lunch and evidently the haggis isn’t yet ready.  Instead of the bagpipes shattering the silence, it was the sight of a lowly curry where the haggis should have been that was shattering my hopes and dreams.  Where I had hoped to be parading around the canteen with ma’ neeps and tatties I was in fact cradling a Chicken Dopiaza with oversized poppadom.  It was a long shot to hope that a Scottish delicacy would have been served in the canteen but I’m still a little disappointed.  Turns out that it’s also ill-advised to whip out a whisky toast in the canteen.

Alas though, this evening all shall change.  With a Burns night supper lined up I will have my fill and will toast the day, even after an unwelcomed curry, with a nip of whisky.  Hello haggis hangover.

Tags: Curry, haggis

Eats, shoots and leaves happy – £5.75

I made a mistake this morning, I caught sight of myself in the mirror when exiting the shower.  The result wasn’t pretty.  Granted that after going up for thirds last night on the chilli pie (it’s like a Shepherd’s Pie except you use a chilli for the base) I was never going to be looking my usual toned self, but this morning took the biscuit.  I thought that with my active lifestyle, table tennis every other Friday and Darts twice a month, I’d be able to retain my model body but I was wrong.  It’s time to start watching what I eat.

With a 40 minute delay to my morning journey, no doubt caused by Bob Crow deliberately sabotaging the power supply at Kennington, I had time to think and devise a plan.  A plan to help me rid the ‘moobs’ (look it up Mum) and it starts with lunch.

Salad is a word that scares me.  You can spell ‘sad’ with salad but you can’t spell ‘happy’.  That’s too much of a coincidence for my liking, but extreme times call for extreme measures so today I’ve taken a visit to ‘Chop’d Chop’d Chop’d’.

Being my first time, I took along some support, a veteran of this outlet.  He explained the complexities of the salad ordering process which involves selecting 2 from section 1, up to 3 from section 2, 1 from section 3 and none or more from section 4.  On arrival I followed his lead and came out £5.75 poorer but with a lettuce leaf, cous cous, 3 bean complemented, roast pepper and sweetcorn salad drizzled with ZERO FAT lemon juice.  Get in.  Better get calling those modelling agencies, I’m getting fit.

The result is outstanding.  I am loving every mouthful and I deep down believe that my saladphobia has been resigned to history.  Shame about the high price but if it has indeed made me start thinking of a salad as a viable lunch option it is worth every penny.

Oh and I’m off for steak, chips and a side tonight.  I’ll start my diet off part-time.

Finally, don’t forget to vote over on the right to choose what I’ll be having for lunch on Friday.  P.S. I really don’t want a McDonalds.

Tags: Chop'd, happy, salad

Pho-get the environment – £4.99

[Rant warning]

Each morning when I walk to the tube I watch the lights at the crossing carefully.  If when I’m approximately 50 yards from the Underground entrance the lights turn red, it reveals the green man and opens the flood gates to the crossers who have been patiently waiting on the other side of the road.  This results in me entering the station directly after the hoard and then having to queue for my morning paper from the Metro tins.  Today was a bad day for timing and the crossing mob was large.  A deep breath and a short queue later I was in possession of a paper.  A quick look to my right though and it revealed that the lady next to me had taken two.  Did she not realise that the content in both was the same?  Was she picking up a spare in case she made a mistake in the Sudoku?

The train arrived a short time later and we all board, elbows out in a manner that confirms chivalry is dead.  The woman beat me on and paced towards that rare thing, a seat.  This was the moment I discovered what the second paper was for.  Prior to sitting the paper was carefully unfolded and placed on to the seat as some sort of makeshift cushion seat protector, no doubt used to make sure she could stop her ill-fitting trouser suit from coming into contact with the chair.  Remarkable.  I was hoping that she was unique in her flagrant disregard for the environment and wastage, then lunch happened.

So I’ve brothed up today.  One Pho Chicken & Rice Noodle soup from Eat, with extra chilli.  Pick up your item from the fridge, stand in a 15 deep queue for fifteen minutes and, if you make it to the end without giving up, your pot is filled with broth.  I know it was broth specifically because it must have been repeated 7-8 times.  Broth this, broth that.  By the time I had left the word had become meaningless.  So, where did Eat go wrong?

How do you Eat the Pho Chicken soup.  Fork?  Spoon?  Chop sticks?  No idea?  Well seemingly neither do Eat; you are rewarded for your purchase by receiving all three.  I’ve gone for the chop sticks.  Carefully placed into 2 bags and then topped off with a handful of napkins (despite asking for none) and Eat have propelled themselves into the same league as trouser-suit girl.

Rant over, I think I’m in a bad mood because I’ve had to eat so late.  Time to finish this regrettable spicy broth purchase.

Chicken Teriyaki – It’s not rocket science, is it? – £4.95

Friday is a day for learning and the classes today are Physics and Business Management, both courtesy of Wasabi.

Lesson 1 – Process flows.  I’m a fan of the Chicken Teriyaki from Wasabi and whilst this is the first time that this dish has graced these pages it is not the first time that it has lined my stomach.  Eating it is fun, actually getting hold of it is less so.  So you’ve made the decision to head to Wasabi and buy.  Are you ready for action?  You’ll need to be.

Step 1 – Pick your queue.  With 2 queues, one serving hot, one serving cold it’s easy to fall at the first hurdle.  Get in the wrong queue and you’ll be going hungry.  Chicken Teriyaki by the way is ‘hot’.

Step 2 – Speak to man 1 and place your order – You’ll be confronted in the queue by a man wearing a red hat and old trainers.  Be polite, he’s not there for your iPhone but to take your order.  In exchange for you divulging this information and smiling politely he’ll give you a number and point towards a till.

Step 3 – Go to the till and speak to man 2 – At man 2 you’ll trade in your number for a receipt with a new number on it.  In order to obtain the receipt though you’ll need to cough up £4.95.  He’ll point you towards queue 3.

Step 4 – Stand in Queue 3 and speak to man 3 – Ok, I told a white lie, there are actually 3 queues in Wasabi.  After paying you head to queue 3 and wait for man 3 to shout out your number.  Listen carefully as you’ll hear many numbers shouted in quick succession and not always in numerical order.  Hear your number, move forward, assert your presence and then exchange your receipt with the new number on it for your food.

Step 5 – Leave with haste. 

I feel that there can be some improvements here.  I’m pretty sure that people avoid this place because of the doctorate that you need to have in order to complete the course.  I compare it a bit to Takeshi’s Castle, where no one actually ever really wins.

Lesson 2 – Physics

So how do Wasabi get you through the queues so quickly?  Well they have a very consistent system for filling up your pot.  It’s not complicated but effective.  Simply fill up the pot with rice then put Chicken Teriyaki on top.  Done.  But wait, doesn’t that mean that the rice at the bottom will be sauce free?  Yes, yes it does.  Chicken Teriyaki sauce is rather viscous.  Less so than Marmite but more so than water.  Therefore I have put together the following diagram to show you how long you’ll need to wait for good sauce coverage.  (Results entirely made up, I was hungry and never going to wait)

Fear not though, the timings below can be drastically reduced if you use your fork and do some digging, then folding over, then more digging, then folding over, then more digging.  Repeat until you have an even rice:sauce ratio; I like 2.35:1

So that concludes our lesson for the day and our lunch for the week.  Feel like I’ve spent a lot of money on lunch this week (deposit on a house will have to wait) but it’s been worth every penny. Apart from ‘big wallet’ Itsu. Rubbish.

Tags: pyhsics, Wasabi

Adult Pick ‘n’ Mix – Waitrose – £5.54

I played squash last night, or should I say I accompanied my opponent on the court whilst he trained.  I was beaten convincingly, or ‘owned’ if you speak street.  Final score 9-3, 9-0, 9-7.  I put this down to a lack of consumption at lunch yesterday and have therefore decided to beef up for today.  ‘Beefed’ by the way on a Triple Word will score you 63. 

A favourite game of mine is Pick ‘n’ Mix lunch version in Waitrose.  A varied combination of flavours, Tuna sandwich for the base, 2 sausage rolls for the side (in an ‘eat me, keep me’ form - I won’t keep one, I’ll eat them both) and some peanuts for pudding.  Pom Bear crisps thrown in for banter.  They’re great because they are shaped like bears.  Washed down with up to 4 bottles of lucozade, they were on special, and my fears of being beaten on the squash due to lack of food have been cast aside.

What makes this lunch even better is that at just £5.54 it is 45p less than ‘big wallet’ Itsu.  Welcome to value.  Also, 4 Lucozade are currently on special in Waitrose at just £1.84, bargain.  And now, for something different.

I’m aware that up to 60% (6) of my readers are based in The City.  So how does the food there compare?  Well today we have our first guest lunch in.  Photo provided by blajam is the ‘weigh and pay’ (it’s basically gambling, you have no idea how much it’ll be) Mexican from the canteen of a well known City based firm.  We can see that a great deal of attention has gone in to the layout, with a very clear divide between chilli and rice.  Nice work.  On the right handside (bottom) too we can see good fork prong length, our falafel shack should take note.  Maybe I’ll have to pop over for a meeting soon.

Drinks tonight at Clause in Monument.  Text me if you’re keen.

[Vote 1] – It’su Expensive – £5.99

The results are in and after all the votes were counted (there were only 8 and one of them was me) Itsu won by taking 37.5% of the vote.

Now Itsu have a tagline: ‘Big smile, small tummy’.  I propose that this should be replaced with ‘Big wallet, small tummy’ as this is clearly their target audience.  At £5.99 for the Salmon selection I really was on the upper limit of my daily lunch budget and what I received for my £5.99 was certainly no half-chicken.  In actual fact, 1 photograph and 4 sentences in and I’ve already finished.  Hungry.

Now I know that you can’t put a price on good journalism but I was hoping that Square Pie was going to come through with the win.  Makes me suspect that I shouldn’t have voted myself for Itsu in a moment of madness when my bank account was looking a little healthier.  What can be said for this lunch is the unlimited* free wasabi and soy sauce that you can ask for.  Note the additional servings on the side (read ‘bottom’, don’t know how to change it to landscape) of the photo.

Here are the final results from the vote, pretty sure I’ll have to get the ‘other’ votes in as options soon.  Short post today lacking any humour which I blame entirely on Itsu who have put me in a bad mood.  Don’t feel like a winner today.  I’m off to get another lunch.

*Only tested up to 3, push for more at your own risk.

Tags: fish, hungry, Sad, still hungry

Off The Wharf but not off the menu – £5.00

As shown in a recent Top Gear special, work in India and your piping hot, homemade office lunch will be delivered on a daily basis by a dabbawala.  What I have here represents the Canary Wharf, Indonesian influenced equivalent.

Ordered at 09:00 this morning the homemade food arrived, hand delivered by a member of the family, shortly before midday.  The number for ordering is a closely guarded secret and is known by few people, to add to that the people delivering have no name.  The secrecy around how this ended up on my desk makes me suspect that the phone number ends in 007.   I am lucky enough to have a contact in my team who has built up a rapport with the family and was able to get me in.  Result.

With the menu changing daily today we’ve received braised beef, rice, fish cakes, broccoli (a type of vegetable) and some riduclously spicy green stuff.  Whilst resembling something of an aeroplane meal in looks the quality is far from so.  With each mouthful of the beef I can sense the love that has gone into the creation of this handmade delight.  The brocolli being so well sized and seasoned I’ve almost forgotten that it’s healthy.  The green spicy stuff though is literally tearing a hole in my stomach, I’m almost in tears.

With the meal and the crying almost over I hope that I can soon be accepted on a permanent basis by the mystery Indonesian food makers so I can become a Keeper of the Order Number and a regular customer.

Tags: Indonesian, Unknown